Monday, January 31, 2011

DeMotivator Mondays - Ambition

Another Monday... Another de-motivator from to make you smile...

Ambition is all well and good until someone with more of it just flattens you...

Hope your work day is great!
:) Mags

Friday, January 28, 2011

Don't Stop Those Music Lessons Yet...

When I was a kid, I took piano lessons... my parents first suffered through endless rounds of the depressing, but easy "Volga Boatmen" and later, more complicated songs of heartbreak, like "Honestly" by Stryper, whenever I was dumped by some high school loser.

I took piano for 10 years... even though I couldn't read music. Despite being an extremely fast and proficient book reader (if I do say so myself), reading those two staffs of music was impossible for me. And why the hell are the staffs so far apart?! No one can read both of them at the same time, can they??! I can play about 10 songs - even some fairly complicated like Pachelbel's Cannon in D - because I worked and worked to memorize the right hand so that I would only have to "read" one staff on the music sheets.

But apparently this primitive method of learning music would fail me in college where my most embarrassing musical moment occurred. In a music history elective, my professor, Carmen DeLeone, who was actually an orchestra maestro in his career, asked the 300+ lecture hall if anyone could play piano. He wanted to demonstrate some musical principles with the piano and his violin. I raised my hand (because... in essence, I CAN, right?) and he called me to the front. He handed me some sheet music and said he'd play the violin first and I could repeat with the piano. When I said that I couldn't actually READ music, he said, "Oh! You play by ear? No problem" and tossed out a little jingle on his violin.

...Which, of course, I could not copy.

He said (out loud... in the room of 300 students) that I played worse than he did. (I think this is not a compliment?)

And thus any dreams I might have harbored for a career in music were dashed. *wink!*

However... If I KNEW that one day, I'd get toTHIS level of awesomeness when I was a kid learning a new instrument, I think I might have stuck with it...

These guys make the cello look (and sound!) COOL!. No Pachelbel or Mozart or Beethoven for them... Who knew that just two dueling cellos could play Michael Jackson almost better than Michael Jackson?!!

Hey... do cellists only have to read one staff??
;) Mags

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Too Much Time On Their Hands...???

The parents of these teenage boys missed a crucial rule about having boys: Never, EVER! leave your boys home ALONE for a prolonged period of time...

That is AWESOME and yet, horrifying at the same time.... :)

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Everybody DANCE Now...!!!

It is 6:30AM on a school-day... I stagger out of bed, rubbing sleep from my eyes, and walk down the hall. There is a pulsing sound reverberating off the walls, and I slowly recognize the bass beat of the C&C Music Factory. I push open Luke's door and witness this... at full volume...

(to get the true effect, you should turn up your volume as LOUD as it will go...)
Part I

Part II

If I could bottle up and sell my kids' energy...

I'd be a gazillionaire!!!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Forget Snakes, Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails...

... I think little boys are actually made out of burps, farts, and weapons!!!

When I was little, I expected that I'd have one boy and one girl as my future kids. I had planned to pull out my old Barbies and my complete Glamour Gals collection (including the 4-foot cruise ship!) to share with my daughter. And I figured that my future husband would handle all of that "boy stuff."

Fast forward to now, and that bubble has been popped! God had another plan for me that included NO girls and TWO boys! Actually between my husband, two sons, and our male dog, this house is overloaded with testosterone!!

Being surrounded by all boys, I've learned a few things:
  1. All boys are obsessed with farts and burps. Regular farts, armpit farts, long burps, short burps, cycling-through--the-ABC's-burps. I used to make my kids go into the bathroom if they felt the urge to make "potty noises" -- which was actually pretty hysterical because you could still hear them beyond the closed bathroom door as they danced and "sang" out their burp and fart noises.

  2. Boys LOVE weapons! I started out as that Mom who was going to keep those toy guns and such away from my kids. This ended one dinner hour when my oldest son, Jack, was only 3 years old. He held up a piece of misshaped broccoli and said, "Look Mom and Dad... It's a BROCCOLI SHOOTER!!!" He then proceeded to make gun noises and "shoot" us all right there at the dinner table!! By the time our younger son, Luke, turned four, we surrendered completely and just gave him an entire "Weapons Chest" for his birthday. A Rubbermaid tub filled with swords, shields, shooters, slingshots, numb-chucks, and a quarterstaff kept him occupied for hours. My kids are now 10 and 7, and they will turn, mesmerized toward the television if the Military Channel flips by.

  3. Boys & Sports go together. What IS this about??! Both boys play some type of fall football, winter basketball, spring baseball, and take swimming lessons in the summer (along with baseball camps, basketball camps, and football camps!). Most of my parenting time seems to be as a chauffeur - shuttling one or both of them to practices, scrimmages, games, and camps. We are a first-name basis with the associates at Dick's Sporting Goods - with regular trips to buy cleats, shoes, cups, and practice uniforms. Our garage houses baseball bat bags, basketball duffles, and an army of football uniform pieces. I came from a family that wasn't aware that sports even existed; my own efforts at soccer and T-ball were dismal at best... But I'm sure making up for it now!!
But a really COOL thing about BOYS is that they will try just about anything... including the really GROSS stuff. A friend of mine sent me a pack of Bacon & Cheddar Crickettes (a fancy way of saying "dead crickets tossed in bacon and cheddar flavorings"). These are REAL crickets... complete with little beady eyes and legs and wings. I offered them up to my boys to see if they wanted to try them (Considering Jack once thought the Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans Vomit Jelly Bean was tasty, I was pretty sure he would be up to the task, at least), and well... I bet those of you with GIRLS, don't have this kind-0f home movie:

(You're not missing anything on the sides, I took this vertically with my iphone.)

Sometimes... MANY times... I just LOVE having boys!!!

Monday, January 24, 2011

"Despair" Monday - Achievement

I LOVE - I know they are DE-motivators, but they make me laugh... And on a Monday, when most people are going "back to work," a good laugh to start the week is important! We have several of their greeting cards framed and hanging in our den. Nothing like a good de-motivator that gets you ready to work...!

Of course, just to be a little booger, I must point out that MY personal "weekend" starts on Mondays... because I'm a stay-home Mom who finally (FINALLY!!!!) has both kids in school all-day, and Monday's allow me a whole day of quiet... And that makes me smile too...!

(I won't rub it in about Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, or Fridays....)

Anyway - today's Despair is "ACHIEVEMENT."

Yeah... that "expendable labor" is key...

Enjoy your Monday.
:) Mags

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Caption This!

I LOVE manipulated photos - and have a bunch stockpiled in my Photobucket account. This is one of my very favorites (if the digital artist ever stumbles upon this blog, just send a note, and I'll credit you). Anyone got a good CAPTION for it?

Leave a comment with your caption... I'll post your thoughts in a future post.

Friday, January 21, 2011

You Can't Fix Stupid...

When I was in high school, my mom told me that I could date any boy (aka black, white, Asian, Indian, whatever) as long as he was smart. "You can't fix stupid," she said. "You can fix/adjust/learn to live with anything else, but one's IQ doesn't change so bring home someone who's smart."

And like most things Margaret said, she was right. I've amended this quote into the following life lesson:
You can't fix stupid or crazy.
But at least with crazy, you can medicate it into "normal."

Now I'm not talking learning disability or mentally disabled, for goodness sake! I'm actually referring to people lacking any sort of common sense. This also expands to the narrow-mindedness of some people as well.

I ran across the best eBay user id once that said "Stupid People Should Not Breathe."
It may be wrong... but this still makes me laugh. :)

I once had a conversation with a mother of my son, Jack's classmate." I mentioned my little mantra and she was somewhat horrified... she asked, "What about Christian?! Don't you want your kids to only bring home a Christian?" I paused, but I still revert to my original text because if David had ONLY brought home a Christian, then I wouldn't have qualified. Sure, I had been sprinkled/Baptized as a baby... sure, I had attended church-- sporadically... sure, I was "technically" Episcopalian. But I had a hard time with church and churchy stuff and churchy people. It took a l-o-n-g time before I considered myself a Christian, and thankfully, my dear hubby knew he would bring me around... :)

Unfortunately, I don't think the other mother understood when I shrugged off her comment, and replied that you can always convert someone... *sigh*

In Maggie's World, that kind of comment wouldn't land my foot in my mouth....

As for the 2nd part of my little mantra, well... raise your hand if you're on anti-depressants. I read once that 1 out of 4 people have mental "issues" so look at your three closest friends, and if they're "normal," well... it's you.

I think those statistics are going up... because if I gather my three closest friends, I think we're at 50% already!!!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Another Blog...?

Why am I writing another blog?

I already have my digital scrappin' blog, online store, and gallery as well as Everyday Places (that's the place for deep thoughts and heartfelt inspiration... perhaps you took a wrong turn?). But my sarcastic humor doesn't always mesh well in those venues... and sometimes, I just like to be funny.

So I'm starting another blog.

I have a joke with my friends about "Maggie's World" - a fabulous place, in my opinion, because everything goes MY way. Many times, I'll start a sentence, "In Mags'World..." but sadly, my friends have to point out (again) that I'm the only one living in MagsWorld. Maybe this blog will suck some more of you in...?

The door is open!